AND THE AWARD GOES TO...

WE’VE read countless annual reviews, griped over XfM’s choice of The Killers’ Mr Brightside as the top song of all time and have been quite proud to be left out of the Queen’s New Year’s Honours list.
Now, in the hope of being the first official music awards of the year, here are Tutankarbon's alternative prizes...

GLASTONBURY AWARD FOR MOST DRENCHED FESTIVAL – The Camden Crawl
Rain or shine we love it, you’re only ever seconds away from a venue to shelter in, but this year really tested our resolve. As we said at the time, rivers of black eyeliner ran down Camden High Street as someone in the heavens chucked buckets at the dedicated music fans swimming their way from gig to gig.

MOST WELL-INTENTIONED BUT ILL-JUDGED SPECIAL EFFECT – Kiss, 02 Academy Islington

They just wanted to give fans a taste of the stadium experience. But poor Kiss’ plans to set off ticker tape from huge cannons backfired as they accidentally suffocated themselves and their fans – cutting short their encore. There’s a reason they’re usually reserved for the arenas guys.

MALCOLM TUCKER AWARD FOR MOST DIPLOMATIC WARDROBE CHOICE – Missy Elliott, Wireless

She probably thought it was a nice gesture – wearing a German tracksuit from sponsors Adidas while their national team battled it out in South Africa. But Missy didn’t count on a bunch of sour-faced England fans, who booed and threw bottles at her, still sore at the country’s loss days earlier.

MOST RIB-CRUSHING GIG – Rage Against the Machine, Finsbury Park

We thought we’d planned it so well – close enough to see, far enough back to avoid being sucked into a mosh-pit stew of fists and feet. I even took my earrings off just in case. But from the very first bass note, the entire crowd contracted, we were lifted off our feet, flung across a molten sea of black t-shirts and banging heads before being dropped into the centre of the pit. Bones could be felt cracking and the mission to get to the edge of park was greater than any Labyrinth-type adventure. Phenomenal gig.

MOST WANTED MUSICIAN (for about five minutes) – Lowkey
He loves a good cause this one. Lowkey visited students at Camden School for Girls protesting at the planned university fees hike. Hours later, he appeared on the front of a number of national newspapers as one of the people police wanted to speak to in connection with protest violence. Of course nothing came of it and he doesn’t seem to be wanted but seeing his face in the rogues gallery it gave his fans a swift shock.

BIGGEST INSULT TO VISITING US ARTISTS – Wireless (Missy Elliott) and The Roundhouse (Talib Kweli)
I know they had their reasons, but pulling the plug on artists mid-song just is not cool. If they are running over, let them get to the end of the song. Leaving Missy and Kweli standing there, mic and music turned off, looking like fools, is not the way to make friends and can only end badly.

VENUE TO SCORE BEST SECRET GIG – Dingwalls – The Strokes

There was hysteria when news broke out that Dingwalls was going to host The Strokes’ comeback. Tickets were harder to find than a music store in Camden and there was no need for contact lenses from Cyberdog for those that missed out – the green eyes could be seen from outer space.

VENUE TO LOSE HUGE SECRET GIG – Dingwalls – Guns ‘n Roses

Dingwalls had to issue an 11th-hour cancellation after learning Axl and co wouldn’t be venturing our way, causing some anger but also a lot of relief from those who wish G n’ R would cut their losses and stop ruining the memory of their best work.

MOST MIDDLE-CLASS MOSH – Jamie Cullum, Kenwood
In among the vin, the pain and the Boursin, the picnic baskets were overturned, cheese knives waved in the air and Jamie Cullum’s encore became the oddest, multi-aged mosh-pit in the shadows of Kenwood House.

MOST GENEROUS HEADLINE PERFORMANCE (TAKE NOTE KANYE) – Jay-Z, Wireless

Unlike Kanye’s headline turn the year before, Jay-Z’s not mean with his time, his words, or his songs and there was not a hint of self-indulgence about his show.

SPECIAL AWARD FOR THE BAND AT THE CENTRE OF THE BIGGEST OFFICE ROW – N-Dubz

Yes Dappy, Fazer and Tulisa, you caused fireworks at my office earlier this year. No need to go into it now, suffice to say – I was on your side.

FAREWELL TO – The Luminaire, The Flowerpot and possibly The 100 Club
HELLO TO – The Wheelbarrow, Nambucca (just reopened).

LOWKEY'S FRONT PAGE + THE HEARTBREAKS SPECIAL APPEARANCE + SLIMELIGHT GOES LIGHT + CHRISTMAS SHOPPING WITH THE CLASH

THE police issued a rogues gallery of wanted anti-fees protesters this week.
What, might you ask, has this to do with music?
Those who studied the pictures carefully may just have recognised one particularly vocal young rapper – Lowkey – featured on this page some time back.
Known for his eloquent campaigns for Palestinian rights – Lowkey – is a man of conviction. Last week he promised to visit occupying students and did just that – passing by our own Camden School for Girls.
But for those wondering if he had anything to do with Camilla being poked with a stick or other protest-related mischief, he had this to say on twitter: “(Lowkey ) is NOT wanted. I have already been questioned regarding these matters, so please STOP buying into the hype. Thank you. "Last night he warned: “Prepare for a smear campaign, however they attempt to discredit me, always know the only thing I stand for is equality. Peace + Love.”
Watch this space.



• Finsbury Park’s coolest club The Silver Bullet’s got a special appearance from The Heartbreaks at Ronnkie Pop’s Christmas party next week (Dec 23). Also playing, Two Wounded Birds + The Guilty Hands. These guys have been tipped for the top - get along asap.
• Angel’s Electrowerks, more usually associated with pasty-faced Goth night Slimelight is hosting an altogether more pleasant artist by the name of Lucy Rose (Dec 17). She’s a little pasty herself but in a waiflike folky ethereal kind of way. Beautiful voice too.
• Nina, Davina Lee, Rocketeer, Evryone and Olly Chamberlain all play at least one Christmas cover at The Monarch’s Christmas show (Dec 22).
• Everyone’s oh so busy Christmas shopping but duck out of the Camden Market chaos for a second and into Proud Camden to check out London Calling: TheClash by Adrian Boot, music photographer extraordinaire (ends Jan 23).

LOWKEY'S GOT YOUR BACK STUDENTS

NICE to see rapper Lowkey turning his support to the student cause.
He's offering to drop by students occupying their universities in protest at the government's keep-the-poor-uneducated policy that's making so many waves.
Maybe the coalition should go one step further and create huge fees for primary and secondary school too, then they'd get what they really want - an illiterate underclass they no longer have to mix with, except when cleaning their shoes.
Anyway, back to the point, Lowkey's precise words, via twitter were: "If your are currently involved in an occupation of your University, give me a shout and I will try to pass through and support anyway I can."
So go on, tweet @lowkeyuk and you never know, he might just make an appearance.
We need more of this kind of thing - any other musicians prepared to brave the snow and join Lowkey on the university crawl?

Here's a sample of Lowkey in action


We need more thinking musicians - here's a new duo on the scene - Partisan and Gavel

GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER ELECTRIC PROMS + PARTY FOR PALESTINE WITH AKALA, LOWKEY ET AL + SEAN LENNON'S SABER TOOTHED TIGER POUNCES ON THE ROUNDHOUSE + SEASICK STEVE'S BLUES

REMEMBER the great BBC Electric Proms of 2008 – Oasis, Glasvegas and Burt Bacharach at the Roundhouse, Goldfrapp at Cecil Sharp House, the incredible Africa Express marathon at Koko, and The Last Shadow Puppets in Liverpool?

It was the best of the Proms, multi-venue, multi-genre, multi-generational, spanning north and south.
Last year the Beeb tightened its belt and shrank to one venue but still pulled in the huge acts – Dame Shirley Bassey, Smokey Robinson and Dizzee Rascal.

(One of my favourite songs ever - I love you Miles Kane!)

So what happened this year? It’s always fantastic to see classic legends in a venue as concise as the Roundhouse but the Proms has been reduced to three nights, each headliner – Elton John, Robert Plant and Neil Diamond – over 60 and white (or perma-tanned).
Younger names such as Plan B will support but still, the Proms was such a huge event and a chance for surprises and unexpected collaborations – a real celebration of musicians of all kinds remembering what it was like to jam and experiment. A move away from the fuddy duddy traditional proms that clogs up our TVs annually. Did this really have to be a casualty of the cuts?
• Don't miss Party for Pakistan, fave acts on the bill include Akala, Lowkey, Riz MC, and Facejacker – you know who I mean – great cause – 02 Academy Islington, (September 29).
• Who's Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger I hear you ask? Although the musos out there probably know. This is Sean Lennon and girlfriend Charlotte Kemp Muhl's collaboration. Expect beautifully crafted songs from their debut gig (Roundhouse, Oct 13).

• Seasick Steve plays the Blues Kitchen (Oct 7) – it's an oddly-shaped venue but old Seasick can bring any stage to life – do NOT miss this.

UH OH CHIPMUNK - DON'T CROSS LOWKEY - NEW FEUD OUTBREAK

Oh no he just didn't, did he?
Little Chip Diddy Chip's upset resident serious rapper Lowkey - for dissing others who have fewer material possessions apparently.
So Lowkey's decided to teach Chipmunk a lesson, posting "The Warning" on Youtube.
However, as is usual with Lowkey's "responsible" attitude to the world - he had a bit of a crisis of conscience over his rhymes.
After posting the Youtube link, he said in a series of tweets: "I did not enjoy doing that, and I don't want people to keep cussing the guy, but when you talk down to other people about material possesion...
"And look down on others for having less than you materially, as if that is some measurment of talent, don't expect me to say nothing.
"Humility doesnt cost you anything. Humble yourself.
"Just to clarify the track is not a diss. It is a warning. He tweeted me yesterday a couple silly statements, then deleted them. Humbleurself"
Heed these words young Chipmunk!
But what did you say that so offended Lowkey? 
You can follow Lowkey on Twitter @lowkeyuk and Chipmunk @chipmunkartist
Charlie Sloth's already bigging this one up - what do you make of it?
Not sure who put the video but here's the credit http://www.youtube.com/user/AKAGrimeTV

LOWKEY - SOMETHING WONDERFUL - RECORD OF THE WEEK

LOWKEY'S mind never rests.
Keep an eye on what he's up to and you'll see - one day he's in Lebanon, the next leading a pro-Palestine rally in London.
He's a reader, thinker, writer and live, a skilled, quick-witted talent.
So this is a mellow change for him.
Against a hook from Paul Weller's You Do Something To Me, he's come up with a tribute to the women of the world.
It may not be as lyrically challenging as previous offerings, but instead, Lowkey manages to remain political while staying easy on the ear.
It's been available for download since March 1 and, if you can get over the fleeting oversincere R Kelly moments, it's a good listen.
Although I'm not sure the sample is actually Weller's voice, sounds a little high. Can anyone shed some light on this?

LOWKEY RECOMMENDS - SHADIA MANSOUR - FIRST LADY OF ARABIC HIP-HOP

RAPPER Lowkey is driven, political, eloquent and actively on Twitter.
And right now he's bigging up El Kofeyye 3arabeyye, the first single from British-born Palestinian MC Shadia Mansour's debut album - featuring Dead Prez's M1.

Here's what he had to say on Saturday via Twitter - lowkeyuk "Check out this promo of Shadia Mansour feat @m1deadprez...gonna be a hit!"

She's already opened for Busta Rhymes and it seems her star's shining bright right now.
Sadly my Arabic's not good enough to understand the lyrics but she explains on her YouTube page: "The song represents the Arab scarf Kofeyye. In this song, I am claiming back its historical, political and revolutionary purpose. As you are aware, the 'Kofeyye' has been tastelessly commercialized and economically exploited worldwide. I feel that it is only right to give the people a thorough introduction and understanding of its symbolic existence."
Sadly she doesn't go on to explain her interpretation of the scarf's significance.
Watch the video here and if you understand it, let me know.



PS Here's an interview I did with Lowkey way back.



Lowkey interview

Speech Debelle and James Corden in Take That row

A DAY after dumping her label, Mercury prize winner Speech Debelle made a spectacle of herself while attempting a karaoke version of Pray at Take That's Singstar Launch.
Debelle stumbled around onstage and fumbled through the song at Notting Hill's Tabernacle Club in front of a roomful of die-hard Take That fans - as well as the band themselves.
Her shabby performance saw her booed offstage, but not one to be kept down, Debelle got lippy.
As the boos got louder, she told host James Corden: "I did it better than Take That."
Corden told the crowd: "I wish I could defend her but that was shit", to which Debelle replied: "Hey listen baby I don't do this Take Shit stuff".
Corden's response was: "Maybe you should leave because we all do."
The crowd continued to boo until she left offstage.
Corden, who warned the rapper "don't you diss our four boys, not on my watch" then said anyone could rap and promptly launched into a rap of his own.

My first YouTube experiment - a fuzzy video taken on a mobile phone - attracted over 3,500 viewers in 24 hours.

Debelle caused waves where others had tried their best.
Singers like Paloma Faith, Taio Cruz and Amy Winehouse' niece Dionne Bromfield all took turns trying to sing Take That's hits while sticking to the right notes. Taio and Dionne did well. Paloma not so much but she took it in good spirits and tried her hardest.
Debelle was supposed to sing Pray but what ensued was a shambles.
The whole thing has caused a big row. Debelle has put her own explanation on YouTube and demanded an apology from Corden. After seeing the above video, shakily filmed on my mobile phone, she posted a second apology.
Rapper Lowkey says the whole incident shows how patronising people are about rappers.

I posted it on YouTube to see what people thought and I've been astounded at the reaction.
Today, 24 hours after first working out how to post the video, it was the 4th most viewed music related video on the site.

See what you think.